It's happening to me again!
I so enjoy all the blogs, and even OT at it's best. It is my canoe but I've lost my paddle.
I'm extremely busy at work. I'm running a factory inventory, completing monthly billing and just took a training on International shipping. There's some odd thing about Canadian shipping. I haven't read it yet, but why is their a chapter on Canada and not on, say, China?
My weekend in DC was great, as blogged. But my DBF decided to start one of his rants/arguments with me Monday. WTF does he want? WTF is his major malfunction?
You see, he is insanely jealous of my oldest son (along with everyone else in the fucking world, but specially my oldest). He started ranting about this - that - this - that - everything in between. Now I HATE confrontation/arguments. Had enough of those with EX. But you attack my kids and you are lucky to live through it. I've belly bumped thugs, had screaming matches with wanna-be thugs. I'm a grizzly bear when my kids are being attacked/abused. I will leave no bodies when I'm done.
I was wading through the How We Met, slowly. Now I'll probably just do How we Parted.
I've done everything for the asswipe. I've given up all my rules for life, I've helped him through his legal issues with his ex, I let his crazy-maniac step-daughter live with us, I nursed him through his near-death episode last year, I've moved from my home and safety, I've let him make my kids leave our home, I've almost given up all my friends/activities, I've landscaped his house, I've rescued his house from the disgusting, ravaging shell it was, I give him sex 99.9% of the time he wants it, and most importantly I've loved him through it all. And the only thing I refused to give to him is my boy's head on a platter!
Oh, and I just put my house up for sale and am expecting a good bid any day.
So, I'm heartbroken and homeless. And I didn't even get to meet HD.
I'm pissed.
I'm hurt.
Thank the world for my kids, sisters, brothers, aunts, and my two bestest. In the end, blood is there for you when the fucking world fucks you.
I never wanted, I never expected, to be here again. I'm smarter than that.
I'm only here because I believed. I believed again and now I'm fucked.
Now, should I leave now, should I stay and make him kick me out, should I initiate talking to him, should I make him initiate it? Should I accept an explanation if given, should I try again. Should I say fuck it, my heart is damaged and now broken.
WTF!!!!!!!!!
I'm extremely busy at work. I'm running a factory inventory, completing monthly billing and just took a training on International shipping. There's some odd thing about Canadian shipping. I haven't read it yet, but why is their a chapter on Canada and not on, say, China?
My weekend in DC was great, as blogged. But my DBF decided to start one of his rants/arguments with me Monday. WTF does he want? WTF is his major malfunction?
You see, he is insanely jealous of my oldest son (along with everyone else in the fucking world, but specially my oldest). He started ranting about this - that - this - that - everything in between. Now I HATE confrontation/arguments. Had enough of those with EX. But you attack my kids and you are lucky to live through it. I've belly bumped thugs, had screaming matches with wanna-be thugs. I'm a grizzly bear when my kids are being attacked/abused. I will leave no bodies when I'm done.
I was wading through the How We Met, slowly. Now I'll probably just do How we Parted.
I've done everything for the asswipe. I've given up all my rules for life, I've helped him through his legal issues with his ex, I let his crazy-maniac step-daughter live with us, I nursed him through his near-death episode last year, I've moved from my home and safety, I've let him make my kids leave our home, I've almost given up all my friends/activities, I've landscaped his house, I've rescued his house from the disgusting, ravaging shell it was, I give him sex 99.9% of the time he wants it, and most importantly I've loved him through it all. And the only thing I refused to give to him is my boy's head on a platter!
Oh, and I just put my house up for sale and am expecting a good bid any day.
So, I'm heartbroken and homeless. And I didn't even get to meet HD.
I'm pissed.
I'm hurt.
Thank the world for my kids, sisters, brothers, aunts, and my two bestest. In the end, blood is there for you when the fucking world fucks you.
I never wanted, I never expected, to be here again. I'm smarter than that.
I'm only here because I believed. I believed again and now I'm fucked.
Now, should I leave now, should I stay and make him kick me out, should I initiate talking to him, should I make him initiate it? Should I accept an explanation if given, should I try again. Should I say fuck it, my heart is damaged and now broken.
WTF!!!!!!!!!
19 Comments:
Ooooh so sorry Lasann! Big hugs. I don't know what you should do. Please remember that we are all here for you!
Oh Suckiness,
Take all his stuff, sell it on ebay and then dump him.
A bonfire is always pretty too.
*sigh* and *hugs* I wish I knew what to tell you. Only you know, I mean really know, what you should do. Take some time to sit down and go over the good and the bad. Which one outweighs the other. Regardless, get yourself back. If HE is why you have lost you, then maybe he does need to be gone from your life.
I'm sure this is a scary time for you. If there is anything I can do, please let me know. *smooch*
You need to talk to Geg. Seriously, I don't know what you should do, but try not to do anything in haste. At least you have your box buddies to vent to. (((hugs )))
Oh dear.
Deep breath. Think it through.
Please do vent to us when you need to.
So sorry, Lasann. I can't advise you either, but you have a good start with what the others here have said.
Hang in there!
{{hugs}}
{{{hugs}}}
In your heart you know what to do. Right now you are hurting so you're not thinking clearly, but think for a bit and it will become clear.
...and lean on us when you need to.
I've given up all my rules for life, I've helped him through his legal issues with his ex, I let his crazy-maniac step-daughter live with us, I nursed him through his near-death episode last year, I've moved from my home and safety, I've let him make my kids leave our home, I've almost given up all my friends/activities,.
These comments and the ones bolded are enough to make me say take a step back, celar your head and look what you have given up for this man. No healthy relationship should require you to give up these things.
*hugs* Hang in there.
And by the way, I lvoe the way you drive :)
Ack! Blogger ate my earlier post.
*BIG HUGS* Lasann. I am so very sorry you are hurting right now.
I agree with what Carey wrote.
Listen to Carey, she's wise.
That's the smartest thing that Breezy has ever said. *grin*
Oh sweetie, this sounds painful.
I agree with what others have said. Don't do anything rash. Can he make compromises for you? Does he understand that is part of love? You shouldn't be the only one compromising.
Don't let this reflect personally on you. You sound like you are beating yourself up. Focus your efforts on what to do now, what is best for both of you & your happiness.
*hugs* I'll be checking back here lots to see if you need more shoulders to cry/lean on.
I'm so very sorry you have to go through this.
The best advice I can give: Your heart is broken, so don't rely on it to make decisions. Use your head, insead; what would you tell your best friend if she found herself in the same situation?
thndrkttn took the words right off of my fingertips. But only you know the whole situation, so whatever you ultimately decide will be the right thing. Guaranteed.
{{hugs}}
~ EmRB
Thanks all. Good advice.
I've been told in the past that I'm a little selfish so I went out of my way this time to try not to be selfish.
What scares me is that once you reach a point, sometimes it can't be repaired. We've been here 3 or 4 times in 2 years. This being the worse and longest silence. I've spent some time the last couple of days looking at the last couple years as yet another phase in my life. I've been thinking about what the new phase will be like.
And with inventory Saturday - I was told it may take from 7 a.m. until midnight - yikes - we won't have a chance to talk - he works 2nd - me 1st.
I did need to get it off my chest so thanks for listening.
That's what we are here for. *hugs*
Ack, your day tomorrow sounds horrible!
Just wanted to check in & give you *hugs*. I hope you've had some time to calmly think about all this and will be able to have a long chat with bf very soon.
I too agree with Carey and that part that TKit has highlighted made me say whoa. I hope everything works out for you.
Sorry I'm late with this, but {{{HUGS}}}.
I don't think I could give any better than what TKit said.
I'm way late on this one too so I'll give more {{ hugs }} and I do hope that you do what it takes to make YOU happy.
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