The embarasment of it all
The biopsy of my left breast is scheduled for next Thursday.
The instruction sheet came today and described it this way:
During the biopsy you will be lying on your stomach with your breast through an opening in the table. Your breast will be compressed as in a mammogram. You will be asked not to move during this time. Several x-rays of your breast will be taken to check proper positioning. A small area of your breast will be cleansed with an antiseptic solution. Your doctor will numb the biopsy area with Lidocaine. A small incision is then made in the breast. A needle is placed in your breast to remove tissue for the biopsy. A tiny stainless steel marker may be placed in the area where the biopsy was done.
Now, let's break this down. I will be lying on a table with a hole in it through which my breast will protrude. Get a picture folks.
Then they will press two hard surfaces on the breast. I'm assuming I'll now be 5 feet or so in the air.
I can not move.
Then (still not moving) I will be given lidocaine (like that stuff works) and punctured with a long probe.
Wow! I can't wait.
There will be no cell phones with cameras allowed in the room.
In the future, when walking down the street, no one will know the humiliation of this procedure BUT I WILL!
I know its for my health, but could they make it any more humiliating?
Men had to come up with these procedures. And I thought a vaginal ultrasound was bad.
I've been going thru one of my withdrawal moods. This one was particularly interesting in that I became paranoid with conspiracy theories. For instance, I was watching the travel channel and they were highlighting a place in Arkansas (I think) were people can search for diamonds. It's a large field that didn't look like it was near any mountains or hills. People go there and pick up dirt and sift through it. The travel commentator didn't find any. But there was this local who claims to have found hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of diamonds. I THINK HE WAS A PLANT PUT THERE TO INTICE US STUPID PEOPLE.
Then with all the evil out there I began to feel like I was the only one who didn't get it. I felt I was in denial and needed to get with the plan. Afterall, all these professed christians are stealing our money, killing our children and raping the environment. If this is god's plan then I need to get on board. I'm stupid to hang onto my morals when I'm the only one.
Has anyone been watching "Dirt" on FX. It stars Courtney Cox. Now that's alot of evil to wrap your mind around. I'm adicted to it like rubberneckers to a tragic car wreck. And I love Courtney Cox. She is my current girl crush (well after Bravey of course).
Actually I just think I need to ingest more alcohol! I was just at the grocery and walked down the wine aisle. I hate the taste but boxed wine may make me less paranoid!
Any spelling errors can be blamed on this stupid computer and it's inability to properly allow spell check to work (or the evil surrounding me!).
The instruction sheet came today and described it this way:
During the biopsy you will be lying on your stomach with your breast through an opening in the table. Your breast will be compressed as in a mammogram. You will be asked not to move during this time. Several x-rays of your breast will be taken to check proper positioning. A small area of your breast will be cleansed with an antiseptic solution. Your doctor will numb the biopsy area with Lidocaine. A small incision is then made in the breast. A needle is placed in your breast to remove tissue for the biopsy. A tiny stainless steel marker may be placed in the area where the biopsy was done.
Now, let's break this down. I will be lying on a table with a hole in it through which my breast will protrude. Get a picture folks.
Then they will press two hard surfaces on the breast. I'm assuming I'll now be 5 feet or so in the air.
I can not move.
Then (still not moving) I will be given lidocaine (like that stuff works) and punctured with a long probe.
Wow! I can't wait.
There will be no cell phones with cameras allowed in the room.
In the future, when walking down the street, no one will know the humiliation of this procedure BUT I WILL!
I know its for my health, but could they make it any more humiliating?
Men had to come up with these procedures. And I thought a vaginal ultrasound was bad.
I've been going thru one of my withdrawal moods. This one was particularly interesting in that I became paranoid with conspiracy theories. For instance, I was watching the travel channel and they were highlighting a place in Arkansas (I think) were people can search for diamonds. It's a large field that didn't look like it was near any mountains or hills. People go there and pick up dirt and sift through it. The travel commentator didn't find any. But there was this local who claims to have found hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of diamonds. I THINK HE WAS A PLANT PUT THERE TO INTICE US STUPID PEOPLE.
Then with all the evil out there I began to feel like I was the only one who didn't get it. I felt I was in denial and needed to get with the plan. Afterall, all these professed christians are stealing our money, killing our children and raping the environment. If this is god's plan then I need to get on board. I'm stupid to hang onto my morals when I'm the only one.
Has anyone been watching "Dirt" on FX. It stars Courtney Cox. Now that's alot of evil to wrap your mind around. I'm adicted to it like rubberneckers to a tragic car wreck. And I love Courtney Cox. She is my current girl crush (well after Bravey of course).
Actually I just think I need to ingest more alcohol! I was just at the grocery and walked down the wine aisle. I hate the taste but boxed wine may make me less paranoid!
Any spelling errors can be blamed on this stupid computer and it's inability to properly allow spell check to work (or the evil surrounding me!).
14 Comments:
Aww, I'm sorry, Lasann.
{{hugs}}
I feel like perhaps I should try to say something along the lines of how it won't be that bad, but gee, Lasann, that sounds horrid. So sorry. {{{hugs}}}
And regarding the diamonds in Arkansas, you can find diamonds. I only took arkieboy once, and we didn't find diamonds, but some people have. And whatever you find is yours to keep. The only thing is you don't want to go in the summer, because it's 10-20 degrees hotter on the field.
Here's a link if you want to read more about it.
http://www.arkansas.com/things-to-do/diamond-hunting/
Yikes! *big gentle hugs* for you, Lasann. I'll keep my fingers crossed the procedure is swift and painless.
Good luck with your biopsy. Think of all of us while you're there! I like "Dirt" with Courtney Cox, too. Jennifer Aniston is going to be a guest star.
Folks, thanks for the good wishes. I have contacted a cold and am starting to cough. I don't think I'll be able to hold still for the procedure. I'll decide on Wednesday if I need to cancel.
Arkie - so do you know anyone who has found diamonds *paranoid question*?
Puffy - I didn't know that Jennifer Aniston is guest staring. I LOL when it showed Courtney using a vibrator!
Ummm, yeah, that doesn't sound fun at all. I hope for the best possible results despite the discomfort of the process.
And I'm sure that Bravie can give you some hints about choosing the best possible boxed wine.
Woah, THAT is how they do it? Weird. It sounds like an oil change place where the guys are all below you, doing work on the car. LOL, a just had a mental image of the doctor on one of those wheeled creepers sliding under the table.
In all seriousness, though, *hugs*. I hope it goes well.
LMAO Kim at the doctor wheeling under the table. *SNORT*
So sorry you have to go through this Lasann and best of luck on the results.
It does sound like an embarrasing process I do know how painful a mammogram. However, I'm not sure it's worst than the vaginal ultrasound. I've done that and was mortified. The only saving grace was that they dimmed the lights LOL.
*gentle hugs*
I watched Dirt last night and was shocked at the language and the masturbation scene. *shudder* Apparently Jennifer Anniston will be playing a lesbian and she will be kissing another girl.
I sometimes think the same way as you regarding the rest of the world. Hang in there. There are still some good peeps out there.
I bought myself a huge bottle of Baileys Irish Creme and enjoy a glass every other night. It's my indulgence.
Oh yeah, my mom went through breast cancer. I must ask her if she had to go through the same thing for her biopsy.
I just thought of a procedure that might be more embarrassing. At least to me it would be.
Many years ago, my BIL had to have a hemmoroid removed. He had to kneel on the table with his ass in the air. That would mortify me.
{{hug}}
I want to watch Dirt but I forgot about it. Jennifer Aniston will be kissing Courtney Cox, if I read that correctly.
Oh, Lasann - that sounds just dreadful. I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this.
:: sending good vibes your way ::
I'll be sending goood vibes for your breastesses!
Ewww! I hate medical procedures and tests, anyway. I hope you can keep your chin up while they are doing this biopsy.
I'll be sending good thoughts about holding still during this test (not my strong suit) and being well your way.
HD - yes I'm sure she could.
Kim - thanks for the funny visual. I told my son this last night and we got a good laugh.
Nookie - my sister had a biopsy and she said they laid her flat on the table. However, after her ultrasound they left a needle sticking out of her breast while she walked to the biopsy room. I think the problem is that the ultrasound couldn't pick the spot up.
Glowie - I'll try to remember to get Boner to watch if Jennifer Aniston is going to be on.
Em, Nutz, and Silvergirl - thanks. I'll need all the good vibes I can get. I'm still not sure if this cold I'm getting will allow me to hold still. Will decide tomorrow or Thursday.
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