Maybe . . . . Maybe not!

I've enjoyed catching up on the blogs. I spend most of my time right now on the BB forums. Anything to distract me from reality.

Being back to work is good and bad. Bad in that I'm so bored. I could be doing something constructive at home. Good in that I'm keeping a better schedule. Maybe I'll enroll in some classes Winter quarter. I enjoy classes because I enjoy being focused. I've been working on a measly Associates degree since 1983. Life aways interupts, the last time when I broke my hip two years ago.

Speaking of injury/illness - I've be on disability the last three summers. At the end of the disabiities I get to enjoy and try out retirement abeit with more money coming in weekly. I think I would enjoy working a job with less hours. My gardens have suffered from these injuries/illnesses. I start in the spring and when I'm disabled they go to weeds. I went out this weekend to work on the front flower bed. Dbf planted mint in the flower bed before I was around. Mint is an invasive weed. He just wanted a simple ground cover. I guess it would be useful for this except that it takes over the entire bed with feeder roots. The mint smell is pleasant to some but nauseating to me in large quantities. Plus it doesn't look like the manicured flower bed I want. I've been trying for two summers to rid the bed of this weed! So far no luck. The roots are everywhere. Saturday I managed to rid about 1/5 of the bed from mint. In the process I broke a nail (sob) and got a huge blister on my palm. The skin over the blister came off about the same time I noticed it. Plain water sends pain throughout my hand. Bandaids don't stick to palms. Should I try Liquid Bandaid or just suffer until the raw skin is covered with new, harder skin?

As I said I enjoyed read the blogs I've been able to read. Arkies' modern convenience entry got me thinking of the "olden" days in a different way. I live in Central Ohio, grew up in Southern Ohio Southern Ohio has the foothills of Kentucky and West Virginia. In the "olden" days Ohio was enhabited by the Shawnee tribe. About 15 years ago a co-worker got me interested in Native American history. I've read numerous books on tribes, especially the Shawnee. When I'm driving from here to my birthplace my mind always goes to the Shawnee. I wonder what a day in their life was really like. I imagine the area completly forrested. I wonder how they didn't get lost on their travels. I wonder what it would look like then and how many bears there were. I wonder about their misery when the "white man" started coming down the Ohio in streams and ruining their common hunting grounds (with the Cherokee) in Kentucky. Kentucky wasn't inhabited on a permanet basis by any tribe. It was used as a hunting ground for their food. It was teaming with Buffalo, bear, deer. It was also full of salt deposits used in preserving food.

Funny story about my son and his acceptance of my study of the Shawnee. He so wanted to be related to Tecumseh. He was 6 at the time. The best I could tell him was that Tecumseh and the Shawnee probably killed some of my realtives who came from Pennsylvania and other states to Kentucky during that time. My grandparents moved to Ohio from Kentucky in the 1880's.

Who are we to decided that indigenious populations are missing the good life? The more "stuff" I gather the less happy I sometimes think I am. The less I have to put in a "good" day's work the less healthy I am.

Sure modern medicine has enable me to be alive right now. And I am thankful for that and the suffering I've not had to bear. So the modern convenience I most appreciate is medicine.

I think we would be better off with a little of the "indigenous" lifestyle. I'm so disheartened with the world today - the violence; the nastiness; the right wing I'm so better, more moral, than you ness.

Lighter side: 99 out of 100 observers agree - I walk like a normal person!!! Woo Hoo. And 80 of the 100 think I could pass for 10 years younger than I am. But then 40 is the new 50.

Happy birthday to all the June, July, and August birthday peeps! Happy beautiful baby to CSTL and Syren!! Happy vacation to all the peeps who had a recent vacation! Happy peep meet to the Niagara folks!

To the rest of you - happy Labor Day!

As we move on

The funeral is over. His sister, who lives in Dallas and is only 19, rushed home. She paid for 100% of the funeral. A very interesting person. My son's are doing as well as can be expected. The older one, who had to be awashed in pain at the funeral and was constantly touching him, seems to be doing the best. He feels that the funeral was closure. The youngest is still struggling. He wouldn't go close to the casket, etc. He's very angry right now.

I went to the doctor yesterday. All is going exceptionaly well. I'm scheduled to return to work on the 21st. Part of me is ready, part of me doesn't ever want to go back to work. When I get back to work I will be catching up on all the blogs as I will be confined to a computer.

Dbf's mother is in the hospital. His father has been ill also. This is the next part of reality that we will focus on.

I'm beginning to plan my '07 vacation to occupy my mind on a positive. I'm thinking we have to go to the Carribean. I want a relaxing, beautiful time. I would also like a peep meet.

I most likely won't be updating until the 21st. Peace, love and joy!

Sob!

I don't know how to title this. I wish I had Supes writing skills to properly tell this story.

For now, a short summary. I'm too emotional to write it all down yet.

A couple of weeks ago on OT there was a discussion about suicide. I read the entire thread with my, then, views. Now it has hit close to home.

The best friend, with no warning, hung himself in our huge Maple tree early Sunday morning. I got the call around 7:15 a.m. from foster-daughter. The police and fire department woke her up banging on the door. We sped down there, I called my x who lives in the neighborhood. He went right over. We got there 25 minutes or so later. My oldest was still asleep and we didn't want to wake him yet.

The police left the boy in the tree, covered up after some time, for 3-4 hours. Investigation, but wtf? By the time we found his father they had laid him in the yard with a sheet. Then we woke up my oldest who, to understate, went biserk. We all: x, father and father's best friend, foster daughter and son, me and Dbf, youngest and oldest son and others who stopped by after hearing the news were out side until 2:00 pm.

I know there is no logical explanation. My sons and his friends know this. But I still try to solve it. They still try to solve it. We have talked about only if, only if. We all have only ifs. We know, again logically, that there is no one "only if".

This act leaves devestation everywhere. It leaves no logic. No one reason.

My x and I try to keep an eye on the boys and fD at all times. They seem to be grieving in the ways one should. But if I'm struggling this much I know they are 100xs more lost.

Just send good thoughts to his family and friends.

I'll update later after the viewing Thursday, or maybe not until next week.

Good friend who's reading this - call me when you can. I hope that all is well with your dad!